Religious

Seventy Times Seven

Aloha amigos!

I really miss this blogging thing! And I wish I could do it more often, but my brain is constantly telling me to study for medsurg (even though most of the time I just sit down, scroll through Instagram, and laugh at memes). But yesterday was just so filled with renewal and inner peace that I wanted to sit down and share my heart.

As with all things in life, there is an ebb and flow, highs and lows, periods of motivation and then stretches of just being in a rut. I found myself in an apathetic state in regards to my spiritual life. I let everything pass over me; I just didn’t have the energy or the drive to do anything about all the meh that was piling up inside of me. Why do we not do what we know is good for us?know that placing prayer on the top of my priority list brings me peace, takes me closer to knowing my Lord, and strengthens me in my walk, but I just. don’t. do. it.

Well, I don’t do it consistently or as I should. And then when I reach those moments where I actually give it the place it deserves in my life and have that AHA moment — I think, “Whyyyy do I do this to myself and let myself forget whose I am and what He’s made me for?!”  But I have to remind myself that we are in a constant state of transformation. This week I had my aha moment with reconciliation.

I know I’ve mentioned this before in previous posts, but I am still growing in my appreciation and practice of this sacrament. Mother Teresa is a tremendous source of inspiration for me; I often stop to think about how she got to the place where she was in her faith, and how she allowed herself to be so filled with Jesus’ love that her actions clearly demonstrated that love. And guess what? I learned that Mother Teresa went to confession weekly (Clearly that’s why she was Mother Teresa and I am not, lol. Maybe I’ll get there one day? Maybe.)  

Confession is one of those things that maybe you were forced to do. It’s so easy to make excuses in our mind as to why we won’t go or we shouldn’t go. I know; I’ve done the same thing. The priest is totally gonna judge me. I don’t really need to go, God always forgives and I already asked Him. I don’t have time; I haven’t been in soooo long. It makes me nervous, anxious etc.

I tried to use every excuse in the book and Jesus kept firing back at me with why my excuse was pretty much invalid. But Jesus, I am scared — Do not be afraid (John 14:27). I am not thaaat bad of a person ya know Jesus. I don’t think I need to go — For ALL have sinned (Rom 3:23). The more excuses I tried to convince myself of, the more I knew in my heart that I needed to go. Something was keeping me from truly drawing close to my Father and I knew it.

But first, I had to get over a couple of my own stubborn thoughts. You know that saying, you get out of something what you put into it? The same thing can apply to the sacraments. If you approach them without the proper disposition of heart, you are not going to allow yourself to encounter the grace and mercy that God wants to give you! I had to remind myself that A) I don’t go to mass or the sacraments for the people — I don’t go because I love a certain priest or because it makes me feel good. I go because it is there that I can have profound encounters with Christ. And B) The priest is acting in persona Christi — I am going there to meet Christ and that this is just between me and Him.

After putting it off a good solid week (or two) I finally did it. As I was sitting in the pew, I felt so flooded with mercy. My desire to know my heavenly Father more profoundly was filled in that moment. One of his biggest attributes IS mercy. So in going to confession, I was peeling away a layer to discovering His nature. Ugh. So good. The homily that followed was also so perfect (!!! I love when God does this) and centered on, believe it or not, confession and forgiveness. In the Gospel reading, Jesus teaches us that forgiveness is a cycle – someone sins against you, you forgive. And repeat. Because His forgiveness is like that – eternal; unbound. Constant. 

A lot of these are like – duh discoveries. But I am attracted to people who are real, authentic, and own up to the struggles or discoveries they face in their pursuit of holiness. And I want to be like them – genuine, open, and honest. And I guess this is just me being honest? (Or avoiding studying/ hw and blogging instead). But regardless, I want to share my experiences because I desire to be as open and truthful about my walk with God as possible (it’s not always like cutesy insta posts; even tho I love those) Sometimes I wander away. A lot of times actually. But where I take a step back, He leads me two steps forward each time. Always drawing me closer to Him even if I fail. And in confession, I am revealed so many things by Him!

  • That He heals
  • That anything CAN be forgiven, regardless of what we think
  • He shows me my weaknesses and struggles, so I can invite Him into them
  • That there is a difference between feeling sorry for my sins and true repentance 
  • That He will give me the grace I need
  • Accountability
  • That although I will never be perfect, I am called to be holy

{And I also love the little nuggets of wisdom I get from my priests each time I go. Yesterday I learned that even though Satan can attack you by bringing up past sins, God will use that to purify your heart! I found that so beautiful because it was definitely something I was struggling with}

So basically this post is just a plug for me telling you TO GO TO CONFESSION. Lol, not really. But maybe, juuuuust maybe, it’s exactly what your heart needs to get back on the narrow way; “But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it” (Matthew 7:14). Jesus WANTS us to have life! Abundant life! He desires to gives us all the good things, but it’s ultimately our decision to receive them or not.

All I know is that I walk out of confession mentally saying MAN I LOVE LIFE AND I LOVE JESUS, AND GOD IS GOOD AND WATCH OUT WORLD, I GOT RE-SALTED (Matthew 5:13)

So stay salty friends,

Izel 

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