Confessions of lonely heart

Hey friends,

So I have this weird habit of saying that a lot. “Hey friend/friends”. Its like my go-to greeting. But….I really don’t have that many friends. Or do I?

Friendship has been on my mind a lot lately. I don’t think it comes that naturally to me because I enjoy solitude. A lot. So I’m not sure whether I’m an introvert or an extrovert; I have a bubbly personality (or at least I think so) but I have the soul of a loner. I have a hard time balancing my alone-to-social ratio. I haaaate having to run on someone else’s time schedule and I’m just pretty selfish in that aspect (but Jesus is giving me the grace to slowly undo that.)

My time here in Mexico is teaching me a lot of things. 1) That it’s okay to be a loner and enjoy time for yourself but also that 2) too much alone time is no bueno. We were created for relationships! But I have found it difficult to let people into my inner circle. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing. — friendships exert a tremendous influence on who we are, who we become. I think it’s important to look around and reflect, “Is this person someone I want to be like? Do I want my life to look like theirs?” If the answer is yes, pursue that friendship and don’t let them go! If it’s a no… you gotta cut them out. It’s for your own good.

A big criteria for me is peace. If time with that person brings me peace, I check yes next to their name. I have found though, that friendship, like many things in life (if not all) is super tough. The super-lasting, laugh-till-I-cry kind of friendships. Because anyone can throw around that word, but for it to actually mean something is a whole ‘nother matter.

I used to wish that I had a sister growing up, that way I wouldn’t have to try so hard at making friends cause I could just force her to be my friend. And that we’d probably be a lot alike cause you know, genetics. So we could geek out to my favorite kinds of things: orthopedic surgeries, Alexander Dumas, bike rides and Audrey Hepburn movies. But alas, it was not to be.

There can be many obstacles to the path that is friendship. Maybe you are not so outgoing, maybe you have some unique hobbies that many people don’t seem to share, or maybe like me, you want to be so many people’s friends but don’t exactly know how to go about actually becoming their pal. I’ve found though that looking back at my really close friendships, I don’t know how we became friends. It just kinda happened. And maybe that’s what I’m getting wrong. Maybe I need to let things happen naturally (or let Jesus do the hard work for me — He always does a better job anyway.)

I was reading a scripture today though that made my heart feel light n’ warm. Because I’ve really been struggling with the whole friendship thing. I have really good friends, and I’d go as far as to call them family. But they’re all over the place. So my heart kinda feels lonely without them (thank goodness for social media.) It has been nice to be able to have that space to be super thankful for them and miss them, but I’m ready to have them back in my life (which thank the Lord will be soon — Two of my friends are coming to visit down here in Meheecoh. Stay tuned for how that’s gonna go! Hahaha.)

 Here are some nuggets of gold that I read today about friendship that I’d love to share with you guys:

6) “Let those who are friendly to you be many, but one in a thousand your confidant.

14) Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one finds a treasure.

16) Faithful friends are life-saving medicine, those who fear God will find them.”- Sirac 6 

I love the promise found in verse 16. Those who fear God WILL find faithful friends. Mmmm. The good thing about God is that unlike us, He doesn’t flake on his promises. I love clinging to His truths when my heart is a little down.

So yeah, I really don’t know why I do these posts. Like when I’m typing them out I’m thinking…. “so why are you sharing all this with the internet again, Izel? But as weird as it sounds, Jesus kinda called me to it, and I said yes. So He’s bound to bring some good out of it, even if I feel kinda weird talking to an invisible audience.

So embrace your life giving friendships. Send them a text. Some roses. A gift card to Sephora. Love on them a little extra because hey, they chose you in all your weirdness and still accept to be seen with you in public. 

And if there are any of my friends reading this (which I hope there are, after all… ya are my friends) I just wanna say that you have no idea how much I appreciate you. Yeah you. You bring my heart so much life and laughter and I thank Jesus everyday for you. 

Thanks for loving me so well friends.



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